


lemon.

by kobusrain



Category: BEYOOOOONDS (Band), Hello! Project
Genre: Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Letters, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25697374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kobusrain/pseuds/kobusrain
Summary: Remembering a dear friend that is no longer there. --Songfic based on Yonezu Kenshi's Lemon
Kudos: 6





	lemon.

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to a good friend of mine, who I treated as an older sister figure, that I lost this time last year.

Everything felt dull as she woke up, though she was already used to it. 

Pulling herself up into a sitting position, Saya released a sigh while rubbing her eyes. Not a yawn nor a stretch of her arms. Just a simple sigh as she tried to recall the dream she just had. Once again, she saw _her_. But this time, instead of only seeing her, Saya recalled a memory in her sleep. It was a happy memory, where she was running through the rain with a person dear to her, but it only left her feeling bitter as she woke up. She knew exactly when that memory was from, and the only thing she could do was let out another heavy sigh before getting up to open the curtains. 

_How good it would have been if it were all just a dream._

The sky was gloomy. It looked as if it was going to rain with the clouds looming over her dorm. “Even the sky knows, huh?” she mumbled bitterly to herself. It almost felt like a terrible prank that the real world decided to reflect what she had just seen. Scoffing, Saya closed her curtains and headed out of her room, getting herself ready for the morning without even bothering to check anything else. 

As she made herself breakfast, Saya took a quick glance at the fruit basket on the counter. She remembered putting the fruits away the night before, but only leaving the lemons in the basket for a reason she could not remember. Saya set her plate of food to the side momentarily, picking up one of the lemons from the basket. 

She could have sworn she smelled the slightly bitter scent of the lemon, even without cutting it open.

* * *

_The sky was darkening, but that did not stop Saya from leaving her dorm to meet up with someone. She headed straight to the park, where an older girl waited for her by the clock. When they met eyes, the girl grinned like a child and waved her hand. For once, Saya was the one who arrived late, but the other did not seem to mind at all._

_“Sorry, Reina-chan, did I make you wait long?” asked Saya, and the girl named Reina only shook her head. She was holding onto something that Saya could barely see, but she decided not to ask about it. If she knew Reina, she would not keep it a secret for long. She did like to reveal things a little too quickly._

_Certainly enough, Reina did. A small, yellow gift box was presented to her. “Happy birthday, Saya! Although, your birthday already passed, didn’t it?” Reina chuckled, especially when Saya reacted with a loud gasp followed by a big smile. “Hurry, open it up!”_

_Saya did as she was told, untying the ribbon and taking the lid off. Inside was a beautiful daisy necklace, carefully cushioned by some cotton. That alone gave Saya the indication that Reina boxed the necklace herself, and even more so when she spotted a card on the lid._

‘Happy birthday, Saya! You’re the best little sister ever!’ 

_“Man, what the heck is this!” Saya laughed, playfully shoving Reina’s arm. The older’s chuckle grew into laughter, and at that point they were just laughing too much to be able to express any more words._

_However, their laughter was cut short when Reina felt a raindrop on her face, and another. Saya began to feel it as well. “Oh, God, no… I didn’t bring an umbrella. Did you?”_

_Saya looked mortified. “... Completely forgot.”_

_With a quick exchange of glances, they wordlessly ran to the nearest shelter they could find. The closest one they could find was a roofed market stall from a festival nearby, and the old woman who managed it kindly let them hide under the roof. By the time they got there, however, they were half soaked. Still, they managed to laugh it off before acknowledging the stall owner._

_The two thanked the old woman, who was in the midst of making fresh lemonade, and the slightly bitter smell of lemons overpowered that of the rain’s smell. Still, it was a scent that Saya and Reina both liked and found themselves relaxing from. The woman offered them some lemonade for free, despite their insisting to pay for it, stating that she figured it had been a special day for one of them based on the gift box Saya held onto._

_Waiting for the rain to let up so they could go home, they enjoyed some fresh lemonade that day._

* * *

She decided to cut the lemon open, and spontaneously began to make lemonade. 

The scent was stronger than before she cut it open, but this time, Saya was not sure if she liked it or not. Everything was quiet, and within minutes she made her glass while storing the rest away in the refrigerator. With her breakfast and the glass of lemonade, Saya headed to the dining table to eat. 

Though her expression did not change. She still remained dismayed, even slightly irritated, as she ate. The lemonade she made ended up being a little too sour, but she kept drinking it anyway. 

“Sour. Bitter,” she mumbled in a low tone.

Eventually she finished, but her movement was still sluggish. Possibly even more so compared to when she woke up, now that she could think more clearly. Saya released yet another sigh, losing count of how many she had done within the thirty minutes she was awake for. After cleaning up, she retreated to her room for another thirty minutes. She did not have a class that day, despite it being the middle of the week, so she could stay in for however long she wanted to. 

Saya did not want to move. She only remained by her desk, head resting on her folded arms with her eyes shut. Her mind went back to the memory she dreamt of, envisioning it over and over until she got sick of it all that she instead tried to clear her mind completely.

The pain was starting to hit her. She was beginning to realize why she saw that memory in her dream. 

One glance at the table calendar gave her the answer. _August 19_. On the date was a single R written in blue ink, as opposed to the yellow on the other dates. “.... Oh….” she let out, barely a whisper, as she slowly sat up. Saya opened her drawer, where a letter in a daisy-coloured envelope rested, separated from all the other things. She took it out, and carefully opened the envelope to pull the letter out. 

It was a letter from Reina. She vividly recalled the time where she received this, around this time the previous year. The handwriting was shaky and the letter was short, but Saya knew exactly why. 

With the tears already beginning to well up in her eyes, the girl began to read the letter to herself. 

_To Saya,_

_Thank you for always being there for me._

_I don’t want this to be a sad goodbye, but remember what I taught you? These days can’t always be happy._

_There’s a lot of things I could tell you right now, but I was never good with words, and you understand that. Still, I wanted to thank you for things. We’ve known each other since we were little, and I started to think about those days. Even the sadness and pain of those days, I still loved every bit of it because you were by my side. Because you were there, I wanted to thank you for making it hurt less._

_To this day you’re still the best little sister I could ever ask for. Even if we’re not related, you’re still my family, and I know you’re strong enough to keep going when I’m gone._

_Saya, thank you for being my light._

_-Reina_

The tears blurred Saya’s vision, but they could not fall just yet. Tucked inside the envelope was another letter, but it was one Saya dedicated to Reina. She never got to complete it, and thus Reina ended up never seeing it. When she opened it up, she realized she only wrote a single sentence in the middle of the page, and spots of the paper were wrinkled. 

_‘Somehow, please, just forget about me.’_

Finally the tears fell, dampening the almost blank page with even more tears. Saya knew why she wanted to ask Reina this. 

Reina was suffering, and Saya understood this. She was in pain, always crying, terrified of death, but still thought about the younger girl despite it all. Saya wanted to lessen her pain, to not think of her so much so she could focus on herself. At the time, Saya thought she was helping, but could not bring herself to tell Reina this as the selfish, and almost childish, part of her still wanted to stick with the older girl she treated as her sister for a long time. 

For a while, Saya cried. It had been a while since she last did, and even now she still could not quite fully accept the fact that Reina was gone. The pain remained, and she knew that the happiness she experienced with Reina were the ones that would never come back. There was no possible way for her to feel any more pain and grief than this.

But Reina was right. Saya was strong, even if she did not realize it. Once the tears stopped flowing, Saya wiped her face and threw away the piece of paper. She gently tucked Reina’s letter back in the envelope, and got herself another fresh sheet. Carefully, she wrote the thoughts that were in the back of her mind for a long time, and once she finished she placed it inside a light blue envelope. 

With a quick change of clothes, Saya tucked the envelope in her bag and headed out with her umbrella. It was starting to drizzle, but the light pitter-patter of the rain against her umbrella was enough to keep her calm throughout her walk. Eventually she arrived at the cemetery, and weaved her way through the gravestones until she arrived at Reina’s. It was shielded from the rain by a tree, which allowed Saya to put the letter by the gravestone. 

“Reina-chan,” she started. “It’s been a year. I hope you’re doing well, wherever you are.” 

This time, the sigh that left Saya’s lips was not a distraught one, but a sigh of relief, as if the weight on her shoulders, and heart, were lifted, even though she knew that pain would not completely disappear. With a small smile, and the tears brimming her eyes once more, Saya turned away. 

Despite the rain, the world felt much brighter. Saya could breathe, and smile for once. With a relaxed heart, Saya headed home.

Everything no longer felt dull.

_To Reina-chan,_

_It’s been a year since you left. I’ve been thinking about you a lot since then, and I think only now I’ve come to accept that you’re no longer here. But then I realize, you’re probably somewhere else right now, and in that somewhere else, I hoped with all my heart that you’re happy._

_I’m sorry for not being there enough for you. I knew you were suffering, but I never thought of how to help you and became selfish with my own wishes._

_But also, thank you. For being the greatest friend and big sister. You’ve taught me so much, and stuck by me even when I’m at my lowest. The things I would have kept in the dark were let out into the light because of you. All of our memories are ones I would never forget, and for your sake, I will keep on living and experiencing different things everyday._

_Even now, you’re still_ my _light._

_-Saya_

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who don't know, Saya sang Yonezu's Lemon for Harocon and it got me thinking of writing a story based off it. Because Lemon is a song about mourning a loss, this was the end result.


End file.
